What's the Difference?

What's up China brothers and sisters :) Here's an entry I'm going to post on my blog tomorrow. Just wanted to share it with you all before I shared it with anyone else.

--

It's been nearly two weeks since I've journeyed back from China, and I think it's fair to say that I'm rapidly becoming acclimated with American culture again. With each passing day, I find myself caught up in a torrent of to-do lists, a myriad of temptations, and the result is that I'm left with far less time and alone time than I thought I had. I've been telling myself that during my breaks, I would read more of the Bible and spend quality time with God in prayer. Unfortunately, my list of chores and responsibilities certainly isn't growing any shorter. If anything, it's constantly growing larger, line by line, which leads me to believe that I can't take any breaks -- I just have to keep chopping away at this to-do list, little by little. And before I know it, it's time to head to bed. I quickly squeeze in a couple chapters of the Bible, I say a little prayer, and I turn in for the night.

That's how I've felt over the past two weeks, especially over the past week. It's such a dramatic difference from the way I was accustomed to approaching my day during my stint in China, when we'd wake up, sing "It is Good," and spend some time delving into God's words. I consider myself fortunate, for the exclusive opportunity I had to be in China and to begin each day with a word of prayer. I was aware of how much I grew, and how much deeper my convictions became throughout and after missions. But recently, I've had doubts creep into my life. Worrying about how many things I needed to take care of led to spending less time with God, which espoused within me great anxiety and much less peace in my heart. In those moments of weakness, I could feel that I was being bombarded by temptations left and right, and I could hardly resist. I questioned myself fiercely during these past two weeks, wondering whether all the growth I experienced during the previous 31 days was really just a high, even when I was absolutely convinced that an emotional high was not what I'd been experiencing. I was tricked into believing that missions is not relevant to life (life, in the sense that we have our own lives we need to live and carry out) because we were in freaking China, apart from the world and society, apart from real-life situations, apart from temptation, with a pastor to guide us and a group of brothers and sisters to help point each other back to God. It messed with my mind that much, that when Doubt whispered into my ear, "You aren't as spiritually strong as you think you are. Phil, the house you're building is built on a foundation of sand," I would believe it -- all because I felt like I was becoming increasingly estranged from God, and even worse, that I didn't belong back in Berkeley.

I hated it.

But in a moment of clarity, I realized that the way I approached my day makes such a huge difference in how I live out the rest of my day.

"Therefore, everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a crash." -- Matthew 6:24-27

Instead of trying to make time for God sometime later in the day, it's so important to wake up and spend time with God at the beginning of your morning, in the Word and in prayer. By dedicating that day to God and promising to live it for Him, we declare Him sovereign over our day and our lives. Knowing that gives me so much more peace in my heart. If I'm to do that in the morning, however, then I shouldn't be staying up so late (otherwise, I'll wake up late). Grace is a discipline, after all. Besides, there are far more temptations at night, of which I'm completely aware.

So, do you worry often? Are you anxious over little things? Then let me ask you this: are you dedicating your day to God, or are you not? Are you trying to fit him into your life, or are you entrusting each day of your life into God's hands?