Hi, you guys! I know we just had like a massive-fail vchat session with some of our teammates...but I miss all of you guys. Those pictures on kcm.phanfare site made me miss everyone a lot & helped me remind myself of what we've been through/learned in China. I hope you guys are all doing spectacular in EVERYTHING<3

Anyway. Week 2 of Sophomore Year. Can I say freaking hectic? Classes, Work, KCM, Servant Team, Outreach, Friends, Family. Wow. I can't help but to feel overwhelmed with the incredible amount of schoolwork, getting adjusted to WORK-work, balancing out friends, my oatmeal/special-k diet, my grandma, and another million things. I feel like I have absolutely no time for myself but more importantly,no time for God which is not acceptable. I came to San Diego determined to wake up 2 hours earlier than my first class, do QT/Worship in the Canyon with fellow Warreners, grab breakfast, and go to class, devoting my day to God. Can I say failblog.org? I'm so sad. I feel like page 1 of fail.org. I've only been getting 4-5 hours of sleep a day and God has seriously been holding me up with supernatural powers or SOMETHING. I'm not tired at all! I started to realize how important it is for me to constantly surround myself with good people who are edifying for me. And it's been a habit for me to carry around my Bible/Journal in my backpack everyday! It comes in handy time to time, although it worries me that my LeSportsac backpack from China won't be able to handle the weight of it anymore. :(/:) I've been growing and growing and dang. It's amazing to see myself grow from time to time. I'm appreciating a lot of things and being thankful, ALWAYS, no complaints. Constantly trying to pray while walking, chillin, thinking, whatever. I've accepted the fact that God wants to be in control of every.aspect.of.my.life. and that's powerful just even thinking about it. No matter WHAT, God should be my priority, nothing else. It's easy to say, but so difficult to put into action. I've been really reaching out to my close friends just showing them 'love' as best as i could. Showing grace & mercy, dang it's difficult, but I know I sure as hell didn't/don't deserve it either and I'm not complaining. :) I know I'm just going to get busier and busier every single day, but I realized that I just can't let the world get to me. Instead, I have to let HIS WORLD be the center of my life.

"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in to you, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer."

I think it's healthy to just be constantly reminded of what we've learned and got out of during our one month stay in China. It already seems like it was so long ago, but that's what reality does to us. It just keeps piling things on top of one another in our lives and it makes our memories become a little fuzzy. But that's okay. We got a whole eternity of making memories & living day by day for our Lord and Savior. I phileo you guys so much! :)

love, cin

didn't know

wow, after seeing edic's post i realize now that i can only post and can't comment on others' posts. gosh darnggg it. anyway. here's to u phil. i wanted to comment but couldn't so now i am. Even though as Christians, we all know that God loves us and it's probably the first thing we learn, but it's so easy to forget. Everytime i'm reminded of that, it still blows my mind--that Jesus Christ died for us even when we were still sinners--undeserving.

anyway thanks for the post. i really liked reading it.

Dang

Dang phil, you are a good writer. I can see why you're so prideful LOLZ.. JK

but seriously, you are a blessing to all of us

Thanks

Thanks Phil for that inspiring message of Biblical truth. What you said is definitely true and I agree we should all seek for confidence not in this world but in our Rock and Redeemer.

Also as a reminder for those of you who are serving the body of Christ in any way, whether it be serving in church, showing hospitality to your brothers or sisters, or doing good to the person you like (hopefully they are believers), I would like you to read this.

Servanthood does not nullify leadership; it defines it. Jesus does not cease to be the Lion of Judah when he becomes the lamb-like servant of the church.

-John Piper

"Everything I Think I Need Always Comes in Batteries" -JM

I’m not sure that this entry would apply to people who take pride in themselves, people without insecurities, or geniuses of sorts who have never failed at anything in life, who are so confident in their abilities that they’ll personally never see the need of a savior, God forbid. This entry is for the rest of us normal people (Already, I go on a tangent, but I think it’s a minor miracle if people with incredible ability are able to keep humble about their talents, and attribute all that they have to God. Not even kidding). Having said that…

A truth that’s changed my life is the notion that my value as a Christian is derived not from the things that I’m able to do or the people I know or the things that I’ve been fortunate enough to accomplish. To be honest, I used to find my value in affirmation from other people or from the number of friends I had. But, I’ve since come to realize that as long as I hold onto my personal conviction that God loves me, I can be completely alone and I’ll be perfectly fine. My value comes from the fact that Christ chose to die for me because he loves me more than I’ll ever imagine. That type of realization just blows my mind.

People without an understanding of love, I’ve realized, are surprisingly insecure, regardless of how laudable their achievements or enviable their personal qualities. Those who know deeply that they’re loved, however, possess that very quiet yet powerful confidence — a confidence not in themselves but one that is deeply embedded and rooted in an external force. Nothing shakes them, nothing overtakes them because they have a peace that literally transcends all understanding. Seeing these two qualities up close and personally… well, it’s not hard to tell when someone’s got that bona fide Christian swag. That kind of swag is what most people seem to want.

My challenge to you is this: try finding that same value for yourself. Struggle and wrestle with that idea. At the end of the day, the things that bring you pleasure are ultimately fleeting and at some point, I guarantee that they will let you down. If there’s one thing I’ve learned during the twenty one years of my young life, it’s that. Christ is the one constant that can and will endure through any bullcrap and still come out on top, bigger and better than before. The fact that His love for us is enough should be the foundation of our self-worth. You are loved so much more than you’ll ever understand. You are loved so much. Therein lies our value.

Otherwise, I’m not sure that we amount to much but ephemeral vapors caught in a passing breeze.

NorCal Trip

Hey guys. Most of you guys are on the freeway right now going back down to SoCal and while you guys are going down, i decided to write a bloggg.

Thank you guys for coming up and sacrificing so much (especially you Gloria and Audrey, even when you guys have hw) for this NorCal trip. Thanks for such a blessed time to just hangout, eat, play, share, sing praise songs, and everything together once again.

For me, it honestly was weird seeing you guys up at Berkeley, especially at FiCB. It was like two different worlds clashing. But honestly, it was such a blessed time for me because it reminded me that God is still the one and only, same God. Although KCM is no more here at Berkeley, FiCB is the ministry I am to serve and to minister to and you guys coming to FiCB and even doing Obsession for the ministry was awesome. Thank you guys for your willingness to go to a fellowship and bless us with skits and your presence while we could've just went out and had fun and play around.

You guys coming up here helped me to adjust to Berkeley again too. Instead of it being a sudden change from China 2k9 to a sophomore in FiCB, it was more of integrated because both were there simultaneously. It was a physical reminder for me to see that.

Lastly, I wanted to say that God is seriously freaking awesome and crazy. All the things we've done up here, all the fun, laughs we shared to even the angers and tears, I feel that We've learned something through it all. At least I did, as I shared with you guys at marina.
:) thanks guys! have a safe drive back downnnnn <333333333 I love you guysss

we will see each other very soooooon. at the weddding!!!!
*****dont forget to bring HAWTT dates****

and i just remembered our ridiculous ride back to Berkeley from Fentons....You guys are FREAKING down. to even get lost. I like people who are down. China team is DOWN.

What's the Difference?

What's up China brothers and sisters :) Here's an entry I'm going to post on my blog tomorrow. Just wanted to share it with you all before I shared it with anyone else.

--

It's been nearly two weeks since I've journeyed back from China, and I think it's fair to say that I'm rapidly becoming acclimated with American culture again. With each passing day, I find myself caught up in a torrent of to-do lists, a myriad of temptations, and the result is that I'm left with far less time and alone time than I thought I had. I've been telling myself that during my breaks, I would read more of the Bible and spend quality time with God in prayer. Unfortunately, my list of chores and responsibilities certainly isn't growing any shorter. If anything, it's constantly growing larger, line by line, which leads me to believe that I can't take any breaks -- I just have to keep chopping away at this to-do list, little by little. And before I know it, it's time to head to bed. I quickly squeeze in a couple chapters of the Bible, I say a little prayer, and I turn in for the night.

That's how I've felt over the past two weeks, especially over the past week. It's such a dramatic difference from the way I was accustomed to approaching my day during my stint in China, when we'd wake up, sing "It is Good," and spend some time delving into God's words. I consider myself fortunate, for the exclusive opportunity I had to be in China and to begin each day with a word of prayer. I was aware of how much I grew, and how much deeper my convictions became throughout and after missions. But recently, I've had doubts creep into my life. Worrying about how many things I needed to take care of led to spending less time with God, which espoused within me great anxiety and much less peace in my heart. In those moments of weakness, I could feel that I was being bombarded by temptations left and right, and I could hardly resist. I questioned myself fiercely during these past two weeks, wondering whether all the growth I experienced during the previous 31 days was really just a high, even when I was absolutely convinced that an emotional high was not what I'd been experiencing. I was tricked into believing that missions is not relevant to life (life, in the sense that we have our own lives we need to live and carry out) because we were in freaking China, apart from the world and society, apart from real-life situations, apart from temptation, with a pastor to guide us and a group of brothers and sisters to help point each other back to God. It messed with my mind that much, that when Doubt whispered into my ear, "You aren't as spiritually strong as you think you are. Phil, the house you're building is built on a foundation of sand," I would believe it -- all because I felt like I was becoming increasingly estranged from God, and even worse, that I didn't belong back in Berkeley.

I hated it.

But in a moment of clarity, I realized that the way I approached my day makes such a huge difference in how I live out the rest of my day.

"Therefore, everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a crash." -- Matthew 6:24-27

Instead of trying to make time for God sometime later in the day, it's so important to wake up and spend time with God at the beginning of your morning, in the Word and in prayer. By dedicating that day to God and promising to live it for Him, we declare Him sovereign over our day and our lives. Knowing that gives me so much more peace in my heart. If I'm to do that in the morning, however, then I shouldn't be staying up so late (otherwise, I'll wake up late). Grace is a discipline, after all. Besides, there are far more temptations at night, of which I'm completely aware.

So, do you worry often? Are you anxious over little things? Then let me ask you this: are you dedicating your day to God, or are you not? Are you trying to fit him into your life, or are you entrusting each day of your life into God's hands?